There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
