So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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