Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
