i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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