its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
