she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Be still, my beating vagina.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
