If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dear god my vagina.
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