He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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