You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
