the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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