There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
