Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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