last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found puke in my bra..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
