Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
