I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
