so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
