she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
