My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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