Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
