so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
