Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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