I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
