Having a random hookup so left but love u
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize