last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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