I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
