So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
