Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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