meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
