tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
4 words: hood of his car
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
