I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why did my mother make you get naked?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
