I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
