im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
is it fun? or sober?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
