i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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