hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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