Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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