i was born a porn star she said
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
