Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
