I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
