Who wears a wallet chain?!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
