Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hippo gnu deer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
