I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
