How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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