everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
