So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
