im holly from the hills drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
