My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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