A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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