he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
