She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize