It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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