i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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