when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
