Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
