I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
