You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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