Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
