Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
