its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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