I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
