Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
