i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
whose parrot is this?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
