tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
