We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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