Porn is love you can see.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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