You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
