You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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