Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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