I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
