We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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