I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
