I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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