Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
