just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i think my cat just said my name.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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