drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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