Got a toothbrush?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
