Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
