I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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