you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
