oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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