Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
