My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I didn't notice because vodka
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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