he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
