note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
there is glitter all over my balls
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