Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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