How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
