It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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