i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
