Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
