I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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