someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
