When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
