I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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