i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
