nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize