I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
