just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
