What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
