well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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