so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
