wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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